This is the final installment of The Self-Care Series. Our goal for this year-long series was to help sustain you in your work and life by highlighting natural, holistic, healthy habits, and science-backed techniques for maintaining habits long-term. Our last article in the series is a recap of all the tips and ideas we’ve shared with you this year. 

 Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

1. Nurturing Resilience with Self-Care

Successful mediators are adept at maintaining focus and energy in high-pressure situations and have the ability to recover from stress, challenges, and setbacks. In other words, mediators need to be resilient. One of the best strategies for building and maintaining your resilience is to establish healthy self-care habits that address your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being.

2. Habit-Change Strategies that Work 

Simple habit changes can make a big impact on the energy and passion you feel for your work. But, long-term habit change can be challenging to maintain. Relying on motivation and willpower is the wrong strategy. Find out how to be successful with your habits – even when you have LOW motivation to do so!

3. Earlier, Lighter Dinner

A busy workday often includes a quick lunch eaten on the go and then a bigger, heavier evening meal after the day is done. This is a norm in our culture, but it’s hard on the body and mind! Experimenting with the habit of eating an Earlier, Lighter Dinner can go a long way toward improving your capacity to do your work and enjoy your life.

4. Early to Bed

How you put yourself to bed and what time you turn off the lights makes a huge impact on your mood, energy, health, and longevity. Yet, our culture stigmatizes sleep, glorifying those who can push through an all-nighter and dismissing those who prioritize sleep as lazy or unmotivated. If you skimp on sleep, stay up late, have a hard time falling or staying asleep, and tend to wake up groggy and sluggish, create the habit of Early to Bed.

5. Start the Day Right

A great day today starts … yesterday. How you spend your evenings has everything to do with how you feel when you wake up in the morning. That’s why the habits of eating dinner early and light and going to bed early are so important. They set you up to sleep well and wake up energized. Now you can use your early morning energy to set your intention and practice other healthy habits that keep you feeling great all day long. 

6. Sitting in Silence

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from life’s difficulties. Resilience enables you to have a clear mind and calm response, even to difficult, stressful, or tragic events. With resilience, you can do work that is fun and meaningful, and makes a contribution to the world.

One very simple habit that will increase your resilience is the practice of sitting in silence.

7. The Truth About Habit Change

One of the most important strategies for successfully changing your habits is to enlist the support of others. You can enlist the support of co-workers, friends, coaches, and teachers who will help you reach your goals by providing accountability and encouragement.

8. Holiday Season Self-Care

Holiday time offers an extra-rich load to our senses of taste, touch, scent, sight, and sound. It can take us to the edge of overstimulation (and beyond). Overdoing it can lead to all kinds of trouble, from the expected fatigue and seemingly inevitable sinus infection, to other kinds of dis-ease in your mind and spirit. Ease holiday stress by trying a practices that nourish and care for your precious five senses.

9. Holiday Season Self-Care – Relationship Edition

Relationship challenges are often intensified during the holidays. Whether the friction sparks a big blow up or it smolders under the surface, relationship stress can put a damper on the season and take a toll on your well-being. I sat down with Lael Petersen, Life Coach and Licensed Clinical Social Worker to get some tips on how to navigate relationship challenges. 

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

The Self-Care Series has been great fun to write, and I hope you’ve found some helpful tips and ideas for making simple, small changes to your daily routines. With a new year just around the corner, now is a great time to reflect on what’s working well in your life (and keep doing it!) and to notice aspects of your life and well-being that are not what you would like them to be. 

If you’re ready to make some changes in your habits, go back to our first installment of The Self-Care Series, and use it as a guide to making a Self-Care Resolution for the coming year. All the best to you in 2020 and beyond!

The Self-Care Series is authored by Kirstin Pinit. Kirstin teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.

The holiday season is here. Along with all the fun this time of year can bring, challenging relationships can really bring on the stress. Whether the friction sparks a big blow up or it smolders under the surface, stressful relationships can put a damper on the season, and take a toll on your well-being. 

I sat down with Lael Petersen, Life Coach and Licensed Clinical Social Worker to get some tips on how to navigate relationship challenges. Read our informative conversation below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Hilary Foreman, Lightheart Society

Kirstin: With the holidays upon us, the potential for relationship challenges is intensified. What do we need to understand about ourselves that will help us enjoy the holidays without the stress? 

Lael: We need to understand fear. Fear makes things feel larger and scarier than they are. When fear is activated, we don’t think clearly and can’t come up with options. When fear is in control, we tend to stay stuck in old patterns, repeating the same tensions, arguments, and hurt feelings year after year. 

Kirstin: What is the first thing you would tell one of your coaching clients if she was feeling the fear of a holiday-induced relationship meltdown? 

Lael: Permission. You have the right to have a happy holiday. You have permission to NOT spend time with people who are challenging. You have permission to CHANGE how you spend time with the person. You have CONTROL over how you interact with the people around you. 

Kirstin: Permission to put yourself first is a big growth area for a lot of us. Why is this so challenging? 

Lael: Permission brings up our beliefs about what good a person would do or not do. If there is tension between who you really are and who you believe you are supposed to be, it feels uncomfortable. You might feel the anxiety rising right now just talking about doing things differently. 

Kirstin: Yes! It feels a little edgy to think about doing things differently. Let’s say I have pretty good relationships with most of my family, but I don’t always feel like I can totally be myself with them. What do you suggest? 

Lael: I have three tips for you. First, identify your intention for the season, and keep it top of mind from now until the new year. If your intention is to make the holidays more about experiences than gift-giving, fancy dinners, traveling, etc., keep that in mind when planning events and accepting or declining invitations. 

Kirstin: Focusing on an intention is so important, but easy to lose track of in the frenzy of the holidays. What do you suggest? 

Lael: You have to keep reminding yourself! Write your intention on a post-it note and place it where you’ll see it – your bathroom mirror, the refrigerator, the dashboard of your car – so you’ll be reminded. Another way is to share your intention with someone you trust and who will hold you accountable. 

Kirstin: That first tip was a twofer. Set an intention. Then, find ways to keep your intention top of mind so you’re less likely to fall back into old patterns. What are your other two tips? 

Lael: The other two tips are about planning ahead to set yourself up for success. Prepare and rehearse a few one-liners that will help you change the energy or the subject when needed. For example, “Oh Mom, Let’s not go there today. Let’s just enjoy the holiday.” A one-liner like that one will allow you to change the subject without too much drama. 

The other part of planning ahead is to put support in place ahead of time. Make a plan with your partner, favorite cousin, or compassionate co-worker who can provide support, distractions, or help you ease out of an uncomfortable conversation if needed. 

Kirstin: Enlisting help is a good strategy for accountability and support. Anything else before we wrap this up? 

Lael: Don’t forget to celebrate your success with a reward that will reinforce your intentions and habits for navigating relationship challenges. I don’t mean reward yourself with a cookie and a tall glass of eggnog. Text your trusted support person. Tell yourself, “good job!” and smile at your wins. You’re doing great work to create a more merry holiday, and setting the stage for healthier relationships all year long.

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Let’s Review Lael’s Tips for a Calm and Happy Holiday

1. Understand the Role of Fear. Fear is your inner voice alerting you to possible “danger,” such as the tension between family members or the too-high expectations you feel at work. Thank your fear for the information, and then take a couple deep breaths. Once you’re calm, make a plan for how you will respond to the challenges fear helped you identify. 
2. Set an Intention. Take 30 minutes to journal about what you want to do, have, and feel this holiday season. Then write about why this is important to you. Finally, choose a word or short phrase that will remind you of this intention. Post it on your bathroom mirror so you can be reminded of it every day. 
3. Plan Your One-Liners. Think about the likely interactions that may ruffle your feathers, and pick one or two one-liners that you can use when needed. It’s not crazy to practice this with your spouse or a friend so they come out naturally, even when you’re a little flustered. 
4. Get Support From Trusted Friends and Family. Grab chai with a friend and talk about your intention, your one-liners, and ask for support. Make a plan to text your friend when you are feeling stressed, or for her to check in on you each week. 
5. Give Yourself Permission to Have a Happy Holiday. ‘Nuff said. You deserve to be as happy as anyone else.  

I hope you’ll try a few of these tips over the coming weeks. With some pre-planning and support, you can navigate relationship challenges with confidence and ease. 

How will you create the holiday you truly want this year?

It’s that time of year. We are approaching “holiday season.” 

Holiday time, with its fun festivities and sweet indulgences offers an extra-rich load to our senses of taste, touch, scent, sight, and sound. It can take us to the edge of overstimulation (and beyond). It’s normal to want to partake in all the delights of the season. But overdoing it can lead to all kinds of trouble, from the expected fatigue and seemingly inevitable sinus infection, to other kinds of dis-ease in your mind and spirit.

Photo by Stefan Vladimirov on Unsplash

How can we fully enjoy life and avoid over-stressing ourselves? This month, the Self-Care Series offers simple practices that nourish and care for your precious five senses.

 

You, Your Senses, and the World

Think for a moment about how important your senses are to your life experience. Sensory inputs translate the world around you into vivid information that influences how you think, feel, and act. Without access to sensory information, your world is muted. 

Your sensory capability is unique to you. You may have been born with certain capacities in your sense organs, and they change over time. You may have been born without sight, for example, or your sight may degenerate over time due to illness or age. Whatever sensory capabilities you have today, they are your windows to the world. It makes sense to take good care of your senses!

The ancient healing science of Ayurveda teaches that one of the causes of disease is “disrespecting the senses” (in Sanskrit, asatmendriyartha samyoga). Not paying attention to the information we receive from our senses leads to poor choices that can impact our health (like not wearing earplugs at a loud concert, even though the volume is uncomfortable). Repeatedly doing things that dull or damage the senses (like hours and hours of up-close screen time) adds stress to your entire body.

On the flip side, you can use the wisdom of asatmendriyartha samyoga to improve well-being and enjoy life more. Treat your five senses with kindness and respect, and you can not only enjoy more vivid and rich life experiences, you can support health and healing in your body, mind, and spirit.

Try one (or all) of these practices to treat your senses this fall, and all year ‘round.

Sound Sensation

Give your sense of hearing your full attention. Close your eyes and just listen. What sensations come through your ears? Big sounds, small sounds, sudden surprising sounds? Sweet, subtle sounds?

Now, see if you can take in more. What sound can you observe in your internal self? Are there gurgles in your tummy? Thumping in your chest? Grinding between your teeth?

And now, take in even more. What sound do you perceive with your being? What sensation do you connect to in the room? In the neighborhood? In the world?

Finally, what can you learn from the sounds you have so carefully and lovingly received? What can you do to protect and care for your sense of sound? 

Aromatherapy

The use of essential oils is trendy, but this plant medicine is not new. Ancient civilizations used essential oils for ritual, medicine, and perfume. Though the scientific community hasn’t shown strong evidence of health benefits of aromatherapy, you can use essential oils to simply give your sense of smell a little love.

Choose an oil based on how it makes you feel. The properties of the plant and the memories or instincts you associate with it can guide you to choose an oil. For example:  

• Uplifting/Invigorating: Citrus, Peppermint
• Grounding: Cedarwood, Frankincense
• Calming: Lavender, Rose

There are many ways to use essential oils. One way is to add a few drops of a calming or grounding oil to a carrier oil (like almond oil) and rub it into your feet before bedtime. Make sure you really notice the scent of the oil and how it activates your feelings or memories.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

 

Rest Your Eyes

What a miracle it is to have the sense of sight. They are open and “on” almost all of our waking hours. Americans spend as many as 12 hours each day looking at screens – not including work time! When the eyes don’t get much variety in their use (e.g. only looking at objects close up), your eyesight suffers, and can degenerate rapidly (called myopia, or nearsightedness).  

Give your eyes a rest with these tips for soothing tired eyes. They are all simple and easy. My favorite soothing eye treatment is a lavender-filled pillow placed over my eyes at bedtime. The coolness and weight of the pillow on my brow is refreshing and comforting, and the lavender makes this a two-fer eye-and-nose treat! 

Love the Skin You’re In

Your skin protects the body, regulates temperature, excretes waste through sweat, and alerts you to changes in your environment through touch, pressure, temperature, and pain. Giving loving attention to your skin keeps this amazing organ in good health.

The Ayurvedic way to care for the skin self-massage called Abhyanga, which is the practice of rubbing warm oil into the skin. The list of health benefits of self-massage is impressive (calming the nerves, lubricating joints, improving sleep, and more). You can start with a bedtime foot massage using a bit of Jojoba or almond oil. This time of year (cooler, dryer, and busy with holidays) is the perfect time for regularly caring for your skin with a whole body self-massage. 

Taste the Rainbow

Your taste buds allow you to take pleasure in the food you eat. The sense of taste also serves as a protector, helping you select nutritious foods and to avoid toxic ones.

What you eat has an enormous impact on how your health. But for today, let’s just celebrate the sense of taste by using it to the fullest. Whatever you choose to eat today, go for variety and eat with attention. Fill your plate with several colors of food. Try a new food. When you take a bite, notice the flavor, texture, temperature. Mindfully eating can bring you a whole new awareness and appreciation for what you take in to your body.

 Photo by OLA Mishchenko on Unsplash

The Ultimate Delight for the Senses

Your amazing senses are always at work – protecting, entertaining, and nourishing you. Honoring the senses with your gratitude is the ultimate practice and treat.

Do this today: Place your hands over each of your sense organs, and give thanks. You can do this in two minutes. Cultivate gratitude and reverence for your senses, and they will return your love with the vibrant sensory experiences that allow you to live your life fully.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

About the Author

Kirstin Pinit teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.

Since January, The Self-Care Series has been offering you simple suggestions for living a healthier, more vibrant life. Habits such as eating dinner early and light, going to bed early, starting the day right, and taking time to sit in silence are simple habits. But even simple habits can fall away quickly if you don’t have strategies in place to make your self-care habits stick.

One of the most important strategies for successfully changing your habits is to enlist the support of others. Here are three truths about the power of social connections that will help you create new habits and meet your self-care goals.

TRUTH #1. Your potential to change is limited when you go it alone. Being part of a group that supports your growth will help you meet your goals. Old patterns and outdated beliefs go unchecked when you have no one to help you see them. You WILL see them when you share your challenges with others and when you see your peers work through their own challenges and setbacks. The transformation of others will inspire you to do your own work more faithfully so you too can experience deep transformation. The excitement and encouragement you will receive when you share your wins boosts your confidence and commitment.

TRUTH #2. Without accountability, most people will let themselves off the hook. When you are part of a group you will be held accountable. You will be more likely to follow through with your commitment to change, knowing your group members are expecting you to do so. Behavioral scientists explain that making a public commitment (i.e. telling your friends about your goals) counteracts your tendency to let yourself off the hook, because you naturally want to save face with your peers. The power of accountability in a dynamic group will help you make your habit change stick.

TRUTH #3. Group support – not willpower – will help you meet your goals. Willpower is not enough to change your habits. According to Benjamin Hardy, author of Willpower Doesn’t Work, “…willpower is like a muscle. It’s a finite resource that depletes with use. As a result, by the end of your strenuous days, your willpower muscles are exhausted.” To compensate, we need something else to kick in when the willpower runs out. Being part of a group is proven to help you stick to your commitments and reach your goals (read this, this, and this for details on the studies that back this up).

Tapping Into Peer Power

The power of group support is available to anyone. Start looking for ways to enlist the support of others, and you can find co-workers, friends, coaches, and teachers who will help you reach your goals.

This could look like:

• Starting up a “lunch club” at work to motivate you to take a real break each day to eat lunch and take a rest from work tasks.
• Meeting with a coach or counselor provided by the employee assistance program (EAP) sponsored by your employer.
• Committing to meet your friend at the gym or yoga class every week.
• Joining a basketball or kickball team that has regular practices and games.
• Setting goals with your spouse or other family members and holding each other accountable to your outcomes.

Each of these examples have important elements of accountability – a clear commitment to regular meetings/practices that move you toward a specific goal. Your partners and peers will expect you to show up and fulfill on your commitment. That’s positive peer pressure working in your favor.

I’ve met weekly with an accountability partner for the past two years. We keep each other on track with our self-care, career, and other life goals. This has been (and continues to be) a life-changing experience that proves how powerful peer support can be.

What group or person can you enlist to help you meet your goals?

 

About the Author

Kirstin Pinit teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.