Since January, The Self-Care Series has been offering you simple suggestions for living a healthier, more vibrant life. Habits such as eating dinner early and light, going to bed early, starting the day right, and taking time to sit in silence are simple habits. But even simple habits can fall away quickly if you don’t have strategies in place to make your self-care habits stick.

One of the most important strategies for successfully changing your habits is to enlist the support of others. Here are three truths about the power of social connections that will help you create new habits and meet your self-care goals.

TRUTH #1. Your potential to change is limited when you go it alone. Being part of a group that supports your growth will help you meet your goals. Old patterns and outdated beliefs go unchecked when you have no one to help you see them. You WILL see them when you share your challenges with others and when you see your peers work through their own challenges and setbacks. The transformation of others will inspire you to do your own work more faithfully so you too can experience deep transformation. The excitement and encouragement you will receive when you share your wins boosts your confidence and commitment.

TRUTH #2. Without accountability, most people will let themselves off the hook. When you are part of a group you will be held accountable. You will be more likely to follow through with your commitment to change, knowing your group members are expecting you to do so. Behavioral scientists explain that making a public commitment (i.e. telling your friends about your goals) counteracts your tendency to let yourself off the hook, because you naturally want to save face with your peers. The power of accountability in a dynamic group will help you make your habit change stick.

TRUTH #3. Group support – not willpower – will help you meet your goals. Willpower is not enough to change your habits. According to Benjamin Hardy, author of Willpower Doesn’t Work, “…willpower is like a muscle. It’s a finite resource that depletes with use. As a result, by the end of your strenuous days, your willpower muscles are exhausted.” To compensate, we need something else to kick in when the willpower runs out. Being part of a group is proven to help you stick to your commitments and reach your goals (read this, this, and this for details on the studies that back this up).

Tapping Into Peer Power

The power of group support is available to anyone. Start looking for ways to enlist the support of others, and you can find co-workers, friends, coaches, and teachers who will help you reach your goals.

This could look like:

• Starting up a “lunch club” at work to motivate you to take a real break each day to eat lunch and take a rest from work tasks.
• Meeting with a coach or counselor provided by the employee assistance program (EAP) sponsored by your employer.
• Committing to meet your friend at the gym or yoga class every week.
• Joining a basketball or kickball team that has regular practices and games.
• Setting goals with your spouse or other family members and holding each other accountable to your outcomes.

Each of these examples have important elements of accountability – a clear commitment to regular meetings/practices that move you toward a specific goal. Your partners and peers will expect you to show up and fulfill on your commitment. That’s positive peer pressure working in your favor.

I’ve met weekly with an accountability partner for the past two years. We keep each other on track with our self-care, career, and other life goals. This has been (and continues to be) a life-changing experience that proves how powerful peer support can be.

What group or person can you enlist to help you meet your goals?

About the Author

Kirstin Pinit teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.

So far this year, the Self-Care Series has focused on the foundational habits that enable you to be present and energized every day. These are simple habits –  eating dinner early and light, going to bed early, and starting the day right – and they are powerful. Committing to these three habits put you in the driver’s seat of your day.

As you build these habits in your life, you’ll start to notice that you do have more energy and stamina. These habits will also build your resilience, which is a key skill for mediators (and everyone living in this topsy turvy world).

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from life’s difficulties. Resilience enables you to have a clear mind and calm response, even to difficult, stressful, or tragic events. A resilient person approaches life with hopefulness and develops deep and fulfilling relationships. With resilience, you can do work that is fun and meaningful, and makes a contribution to the world.

Another habit that will increase your resilience is sitting in silence. Notice I did not say meditation. If you already have a meditation practice, great! Keep doing that. For many people, meditation sounds too hard, too technical, or too time consuming. If that’s you, I say, “Don’t meditate!” You can sit in silence instead.

Photo by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash

One Minute of Silence

If you are sitting or standing comfortably right now, you can practice sitting in silence. Here’s what to do: 

• Close your eyes, or look down and let them relax and get a little fuzzy. 
• Breathe as you normally would, and start to notice the breath coming in and out of your body. Count your inhalations until you get to 20. If you lose count, just start again. 
• Once you get to 20 (or if you’ve counted and lost track a couple of times), you’ve completed about a minute of sitting in silence. (It’s normal to breathe 12 to 20 times per minute, so counting 20 breaths or so will equal about a minute, without having to set a timer and check a clock)
• Continue if you wish, or you can stop, open or refocus your eyes, stretch your arms or roll your shoulders, or do any other movement that feels good. 
• Before you move on or return to what you were doing, take a moment to notice how it feels to take one minute of stillness. 

How do you feel? Maybe you feel rested, calm, more present, and better able to concentrate. Maybe that one minute gave you enough of a break to return to what you were doing with a renewed energy and focus.

It’s also possible that you felt annoyed or frustrated. At first it may be difficult to sit still, especially if you are very busy or if your mind is very active. This is normal! We live in a busy world! You have things to do! But really, who doesn’t have a minute here or there to give it a try?

If you want to balance the chaos of life with some moments of calm, keep trying the habit of Sitting in Silence.

Photo by Brad Neathery on Unsplash

Why Sitting in Silence Works

You may be skeptical that sitting still for a minute could make a difference for you. Here are a few reasons why sitting in silence works: 

1. Taking a moment of stillness helps bring balance to your life. A basic premise of Ayurveda (the ancient science of health and healing from India) is finding balance though opposites. If you are constantly busy, feeling frazzled, and can’t seem to settle down, taking moments of silence will help balance your busyness and bring more stability to your life. 
2. No special equipment or technique is needed. It takes almost no time. You can sit in silence anywhere (at your desk, waiting for a client to show up, waiting for the coffee to brew, …). This is a practical and doable way to begin taking some time out of the fast pace of life. 
3. You can experience effects that are similar to the benefits of meditation including stress reduction and improved concentration. A minute of stillness, repeated over and over, adds up. Perhaps one minute a day will turn into several one-minute breaks a day. You may eventually increase your sitting time to a few minutes or more. 

Sitting in Silence In Real Life

My personal practice includes both sitting in silence and meditation. There are times when taking one minute to close my eyes and breathe is just what I need to rest and reset so I can continue on with the task at hand. I also take time every day to sit a little longer – anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes.

Even after years of this practice, I still experience moments of frustration and a wandering mind. What I have learned for myself is that the goal of my practice is not to clear my mind completely, or to achieve some state of bliss or transcendence. It is enough for me to use my time in stillness to counteract the sometimes frantic feelings I have when I am busy at work or tending to my family and household.

Taking time for silence, whether a minute or longer, has become a keystone of my daily routine. When I start my day with some stillness, and give myself little breaks throughout the day, I am more calm, centered, and focused. I am more resilient when a project deadline arises, a client throws me a curveball, or a family emergency happens.

If you want to experience more balance and resilience in your life, practice sitting in silence. Choose a time to try it today! 

About the Author

Kirstin Pinit teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.

The Spring OMA Navigator is here!

Thanks to all who contributed, and a big thanks to our tireless volunteer, Billy, who made it possible.

Read the latest edition online here.

How you put yourself to bed and what time you turn off the lights makes a huge impact on your mood, energy, health, and longevity. Yet, our culture stigmatizes sleep, glorifying those who can push through an all-nighter and dismissing those who prioritize sleep as lazy or unmotivated.

Are you getting less than seven hours of sleep most nights of the week? Are you a night owl who stays up into the wee hours of the night? Do you have a hard time getting to sleep or staying asleep all night? Do you feel foggy and sluggish when you wake in the morning? Would you like to feel bright, clear, and energized when you wake each day?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to create the habit of Early to Bed.

Sleep is Essential

Humans are not like the owls, or cats, or bats that sleep in the day and are awake at night. We are physiologically programmed to do the opposite. This phenomenon has been understood for thousands of years and was recently validated by modern science.

• Ayurveda and Chinese Medicine are two ancient sciences that are based on the natural cycles of nature.
• Your great grandmother intuitively knew it too and may have taught you “early to bed and early to rise” as a rule for good living.
• In 2017, the Nobel Prize in Medicine was awarded to scientists who identified the molecular mechanisms that govern the circadian rhythm.

Also in 2017, neuroscientist Matthew Walker authored, “Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams” to explain the importance of sleep and convince us all to prioritize rest. “There does not seem to be one major organ within the body, or process within the brain, that isn’t optimally enhanced by sleep (and detrimentally impaired when we don’t get enough),” Walker writes.

The list of impairments caused by sleep deprivation (i.e. less than seven hours per night) is long and far-reaching. A few of them are illustrated in this infographic, and include: food cravings, lower immune function, increased cancer risk, high blood pressure, emotional instability, depression, anxiety, and irritability.

Whether you listen to the ancient sages, to your sweet grandma, or to the hard science, the truth about sleep is clear. Sleep is essential.

How to Go to Bed Early

Last month we talked about eating an Earlier Lighter Dinner. This is the habit of eating your last meal of the day by 6pm so you have time to completely digest your food before bedtime. The habit of an Earlier Lighter Dinner sets you up for the habit of Early to Bed because your body won’t be working on digesting food while you sleep and it can do what it supposed to be doing overnight: restoring, detoxifying, and resting.

If you live by your natural circadian rhythm, that means you go to bed – or at least start winding down – when the sun goes down. This is the time of day when your energy is naturally waning and getting you ready to rest. Knowing you need to get at least seven hours of sleep, count backwards from you waking time and you’ll find your bedtime. It’s probably around 10pm.

If you’ve had an Earlier, Lighter Dinner, you’ve already taken a step toward winding down for an early bedtime. Since you’re not eating late, you have time in the evening to:

• Relax, do some light activity, and allow yourself to feel tired.
• Finish your work and turn off your devices at least an hour before bedtime.
• Take a bath, read, or meditate.

All of these activities send the signal that it is time to get quiet and go to sleep. They will teach your body and mind how to go to bed early.

Knowing and Doing are Different Things

When we know the impact of sleep deprivation and we know that we are naturally wired to sleep at least seven hours a night, Early to Bed is a no-brainer. But the culture we live in, and the evening habits most of us have, don’t support good sleep.

• If your life is full, you may feel like sleeping less is the only way to get everything done. This may FEEL true, but is it? What is the cost of burning out or getting sick from lack of sleep? Are you able to be your best without proper rest? Consider what activities and tasks you could cut back on or quit so you have time to get the sleep you need.
• If you are a night owl, you may think it’s impossible to go to bed by 10pm. It will take some time to adjust to an earlier bedtime. Do this by going to bed 15 minutes earlier this week, then 15 minutes earlier next week, and so on. Make the change gradually and you’re more likely to stick with it.
• If your friends and family don’t go to bed early, you’ll have to make tough decisions and decline some invitations. Prioritize going to bed early MOST nights. Choose wisely and enjoy fully the occasions you do attend. As you begin to feel the effect of adequate sleep, it will be easier and easier to choose your well-being over a night out.

Adopting the habit of Early to Bed will have short and long-term impacts on your life. You’ll lower your risk for disease, and you’ll be less prone to accidents. Being well-rested means you’ll wake up with more energy and have better focus to do your work each day. You’ll be more emotionally stable, which can lead to gains in your work and personal relationships, confidence, and self-esteem.

What will be your simple step toward living in sync with nature and adopting the habit of Early to Bed?

About the Author

Kirstin Pinit teaches the art of self-care through creative, engaging, and practical habit-change programs. She is a certified coach and yoga teacher and consults with cities, communities, companies, and groups on behavior-change programs and strategies. Learn more about her work at www.kirstinpinit.com.